Having only 1 car...

...is no fun at all.

Earlier this week, my husband's 13 year old car finally died. We could not afford to spend 3 time its value on fixing it, so, bu-bye car.

On the one hand, this will speed up the process of getting a new car (I want a minivan, so I can fit the kids AND family into it, or the kids AND luggage in it on long trips... you get the idea).

On the other hand, this will also mean that we are a one car family for a while. and I am already feeling the effects of that. My husband isn't. Oh no, he gets first priority on the car, don't you know.

I, on the other hand, missed Beeba 1's library program this week because while the library is in walking distance, it really isn't when it rains all day. and I will be missing my Le Leche League meeting this morning, because he needs the car to go to meetings today.

The only time I have been out of the house this week was to go to the grocery store, which meant I missed the bedtime routine for Beeba 1, and because the one aspect of cloth diapering my husband has never figured out is what to put him in for overnight, he put my poor beeba 1 in a trashie!

It really feels wrong for me to have to feel guilty about wanting the car for a day, so I can get errands done. But, despite the fact that I have always had certain things I do with the kids on a very regular basis, my husband cannot schedule around us, because his work schedules the meetings, not him.

So, I feel frustrated and angry, but really, I cannot get angry at him. But I do, because I don't have anyone else to be angry at. It isn't fair to either him or me, and I feel guilty. Which means I still wind up feeling it more than him...

We'll get through it. We have done the one car thing before. But then, we only had 1 child, too, and it didn't feel as rotten. Now, with 2 kids, I DEPEND on getting out of the house once or twice a week. those few hours around other adults really do a lot to keep me sane. I love my kids, but they are not the most stimulating conversationalists.